All Stef, All the Time

Yesterday's research dive was into how the heart works specifically - i knew generally,  - so i could understand Dad's echo report that has found the mitral valve failing (prolapsed) and blood being back washed into the lung.  And i've read up on the surgeries and what could happen if he doesn't opt for treatment. The recovery period is daunting. It seems he'll need people to stay with him, where people are me and my sister perhaps? Although i can hardly care for myself....

I rush ahead though. His next study is on the 29th, his consult (i will join him that day) is on 6 August.

I am off work again, but this time with no health emergency, just a long break over the fourth of July holiday. Rest. And i should go use the weed burner since we had a quarter inch of rain last night. And the mowing that i need to do. Thank heavens there's plenty i can do with the wheeled string trimmer, for which wet grass is not a challenge. I did some mowing last night with the grass mower. Too much of the grassy zones in the orchard have gone over to stilt grass. If i could be confident of rain, i'd scalp everything and hope the fescues would get ahead.

Meanwhile, blueberries are coming in fast; mulberries are ripening, too. Might get enough mulberries to make a dehydrator tray worth while in the next few days. And figs are ripening, to my startlement. The persimmon has dropped lots of fruit, self thinning, still looking loaded. The single remaining Aunt Rachel's apple has fallen from the tree, and i found it with a worm sticking out and wriggling. Fie. One Grimes Golden apple remains: this is mainly due to the late frost, but generally i do not have a good site for apples.

I found one of the Tahitian squash vines had actually set a fruit, as big as a usual mature summer yellow squash already. I picked it to eat now, expecting i will see more fruit to allow to grow to winter keeping sizes. The yellow butter cube squash have had male flowers like mad, but no fruit. The plants have stayed tiny.

The Early Girl tomato has some nice set green fruit; the Better Boy has started as well. A forest of Matt's wild tomato volunteers have come up in the past weeks and i intend to move them to a place with high deer exposure in the hopes that they'll accept some pruning.

One of my new native shrubs, a St John's Wort "Sunburst", was pruned back severely by deer. I think it will be for the best, but i am miffed as it seems they never browse the many wild St John's worts.

A doe has been visible in the yard periodically - somehow i manage to dissociate the sight of the doe from the herbivory in my mind -- and cotton tails have been common disappearing into high growth. Haven't seen the hawk.  Humming birds are visiting the glads and hummingbird mint, clouds of tiger swallowtails on the Joe Pye weed.

I missed seeing my nephew D, niece S, and sister in law M last week as their visit coincided with Christine in the hospital. I had thought S & M  would be here this weekend, but no. They will be with nephew Z in Tampa.  D is in ROTC training and i will get to see him on his return with my brother.

I worry about my siblings' job/financial situations. If i lost my job today, i think Christine and i could limp by with retirement savings. (I don't know how easily i could transfer my experience into something generally employable.) But my siblings are looking for work, more or less, and i don't get the sense it's an easy time to look.

So, Chapter 3 isn't over. We reset the days since last trip to emergency room/emergency vet last night with Christine. I am very glad we got her there and that the intervenous anti-nausea, antibiotics, and fluids has her looking much better. I swear she was looking a little yellow around the eyes last night and she looks much better now. The long painful wait in the emergency room was no fun, and i feel it was just in time when she got seen. Her blood pressure was falling.

Not going into all the details as they belong to Christine, but sharing what i feel is part of my details.

She has since had many tests, and news before 8 am that they would admit her. I was there mid morning through after lunch, advocating for her regular meds and reading/researching the test results when we got them. No doctor showed. Since she still tests positive for COVID she's under COVID precautions and will be for ten days -- but please let her be home well before that. Her sister is there now and i go back tonight with CPAP and other supplies.  [Yay, a doctor's consult, with me included by phone. They think just the infection but given how bad things were last night want to make sure she is well recovered with more fluids and more antibiotics.]

In Monday's therapy i discussed basically being kinda flat lined, kinda breaking into tears all the time.  -- -- This was before Christine really took a bad turn. Sunday evening she wasn't well and it was a bad night. Monday morning i drove her to  an appointment to see a nurse practitioner for the doctor she trusts, gotten antibiotics and were hoping that we were on a course to solve the immediate issues and a plan to address some other longer running issues - that i hadn't known about. -- -- I finally acknowledged i need to recover from All This.

Since 24 February -- four months ago -- we've been to the emergency room/vet  -- six times now.  I mean,  since Jan 20 it hasn't been easy. And between February 24 and April 18, 53 days, nothing dramatic inside our home happened (oh, but the US and administration's injustices, including the attacks on transpersons and the resounding political silence). Most of that time i was recovering from the platelet drop, and was just feeling better and stronger on April 12. So really the intense time has been from April 18 to now: five emergencies (two resulting in our loss of Luigi and Edward) in less than ten weeks. Plus B--'s death, convalescence for Carrie.

I have grown to believe that if you have an stressful work time of x weeks or months, it takes about 2x weeks to recover.

20 weeks from today is November 11. Maybe Chapter 4 begins then.