Sigh. Prop 8. My former marriage.

[stef_tm]

Prop 8 upheld; we'll keep fighting. With the right organization and press we can win by a simple majority in 2010. Existing marriages upheld. Now, two classes of gay citizens - those who marry and those who can't? Seems like legal quagmire.

It's interesting to watch my feelings about this. I thought I might be bitter, given B. has decided to end our marriage. I've asked her to move out as soon as possible; so we can avoid tension. My goal is to be kind, gentle, candid, and respectful. This means much exercise and meditation, to make sure I don't let my emotions get the better of me.

I hope that we will be friends after this is said and done. I think it's possible given that we both have excellent relationships with our other exes.

Given prop 8 - I feel more strongly then ever for marriage rights. I have no idea if our divorce will be trivial (no shared assets, no children) or if we will hit some nebulous place where my lawyer will be forced to forge new ground. Fortunately her practice is the dissolution of same sex DPs, marriages, and trusts.

I will go to the rally in downtown SJ this evening; locals are welcome to join me and share signs :-)

Comments

[maetang.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[stef-tm.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I know you dealt with your divorce with grace and thoughtfulness. Wondering if you can point me to relevant dates in your journal with respect to your process?

[maetang.livejournal.com]

My divorce wasn't contested; we both wanted it by then, so it went through relatively easily. We haven't been able to keep a friendship though. I had to learn to put new boundaries in place with my ex, and it's been best for me in the longer run to have the distance, rather than to try and keep in touch.

No particular dates stand out to me for that, so I wouldn't be able to point to particular parts of my journal. What I do remember is how much it helped me to be able to talk to friends about what was happening. I had a lot of grief over the situation, and knowing my friends were there helped me process things. I'm around if you want to do that, here or by e-mail (if you use the e-mail address on my LJ profile page, that will get through to me.)

I'll be thinking of you. *hugs*

[leatherfemme.livejournal.com]

Alas, I am on parent watch duty this evening so cannot attend any vigils/protests. Otherwise I'd be there.

[stef-tm.livejournal.com]

I'll shout just a bit louder to make up the difference :-)

[leatherfemme.livejournal.com]

Coolness. I'll be there in spirit at least.

[yaaresse.livejournal.com]

Indeed it does seem like a legal quagmire, and I am hoping that the "bright side" to all this mess is that the quagmire ends up being the straw that breaks the issue down. At this point if common sense, logic, and fair play can't resolve the issue, I'm willing to go with resolution via legal quicksand. I don't really see how this is a lot different than any other civil rights issue, and we (US society) seem to be very slow learners in that area.

It's amazing how calm you are seeming about things right now. I'm not sure I'd be able to summon such grace. Just remember to be kind, gentle, candid and respectful towards yourself, too.

[stef-tm.livejournal.com]

I haven't hit the "anger" stage of loss yet.

I did raise my voice slightly at B. this morning (when the floors were about to be damaged by a 75lb planter that was inexplicably *inside* the house) and immediately regretted it.

I cry frequently. This is heartbreaking, just devastating. I thought we'd spend the rest of our lives together. The doctors tell me it's her mania, but that's cold comfort.

I want my girl back. :-(

[yaaresse.livejournal.com]

It is cold comfort, espeically when you have your own needs and also deserve to be heard.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Thanks for being willing to share and meet over lunch today. (hug)

[stef-tm.livejournal.com]

Thanks; I'm happy we had a chance to catch up. Thank you for your kind ear and sage advice *hug*

[whatwouldruthdo.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry about your situation and about the laws. I hope we'll get there soon.

[stef-tm.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[halfmoon-mollie.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry.

[stef-tm.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[nokomisjeff.livejournal.com]

Stef,

I'm so sorry and only wish you happiness. I can say from personal experience that sadness and grief is only temporary depending on your individual mindset.

Jeff

[stef-tm.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Jeff. I'm making progress every day. The crying spells are shorter. I can concentrate more.

Working very hard to stay positive. Have decided to stop poker and investing while I heal.

[nokomisjeff.livejournal.com]

Stopping investing is a good thing. I stopped trading when Denise died for about 3 weeks until I felt ready. However, I'm of the mind that you might want to continue playing those micro limit poker games. Those $.05 poker games got me through a lot right after Denise died and only cost me about a hundred bucks. It was a lot cheaper than therapy:) You naturally suffer from grief, which I am well familiar with. If you want to talk, PM me anytime.

Anyways, after you heal, in a few months nor whenever, I'm going to be like a Jewish mother and tell you about the match I have for you.....and she's a doctor:)

Jeff

[hot-turkey.livejournal.com]

*HUGS* I'm really sad about your situation and the law both, but I'm also confident that there will be better days ahead. The future is full of surprises, and I mean *good* ones.

[jacflash.livejournal.com]

What he said. Hugs and sympathies.

[stef-tm.livejournal.com]

Thanks :-)

[stef-tm.livejournal.com]

I hope so. :-)

[titania82.livejournal.com]

:::hugs:::

[stef-tm.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[simplykimberly.livejournal.com]

I'm really sad for you both about the splitting up. I'm really really impressed at your desire to have as clean and kind of a divorce as possible. I witnessed just that sort of thing with my parents, and it was very much my model splitting up with my ex-husband. My parents are still able to be very friendly with one another, even though all three kids are (well!) grown, and my ex and I have a very friendly relationship as well. We aren't best buds or anything, but there is nothing but kindness and fondness there now. It's very doable, and I hope no one tries to convince you otherwise if this is what you desire (which you obviously do.)

It still is horribly painful and sucky. ((hugs))

[stef-tm.livejournal.com]

I hope that B. will want to do so; things are so very tense at home.

It is the most painful thing I've experienced to date. Thank you for the hugs!

[operatic.livejournal.com]

Big *hug!* from T and I. *hug!*

[stef-tm.livejournal.com]

Thank you and to T!

[writerspleasure.livejournal.com]

much loving.

[stef-tm.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Sometimes I feel like this is shredding me; other times my mind is already forward and hopeful.

[writerspleasure.livejournal.com]

you are truly, and always, welcome.